Today is the first day of the rest of my life.  That is a great title, however starting over is tough. It’s difficult to magically change the way you have eaten for the last 40 years of your existence and expect it to go well.  Honestly, I knew it would be tough, but this is ridiculous.  I have thought about food more in the last few weeks then I have my entire life.  I’m not sure at what point that food went from sustenance to an all consuming freaky force of nature with no regard to my body or what I want.  It just demands of me to eat, and I follow orders.  (I hear the refrigerator calling me as I secretly write this.)  Ugh!

 

I’ve been reading this book called “gods at war” by Kyle Idleman and it’s been a brutal reality check of my current lifestyle.  Basically, anything else that I put in the place of God has become an idol.  That one sentence summed up the whole book.  (Who needs the other 100+ pages?  I’m kidding, it’s an excellent book.  It’s definitely worth the read.)  Anyways, I thought self would be the main idol in my life, and it is one of them, however, the biggest idol is food.  Can you believe it?  I do.  Every morning when I look in the mirror I see the results of my idol and it taunts me.  I’ve maxed out to my new all time high of 285 pounds!  As a kid I had always joked about the 300 pound man.  Now I am him.  Lord help me!

As of yesterday I had hit rock bottom.  I felt something that I had not felt in a very long time…desperation.  I had come to the conclusion that food is my drug of choice.  It consumes my body, my thoughts and my will.  I don’t know how or at what point in my life that this happened, however I do know that I have lost control.  As I frantically texted my wife, and basically freaking out, I came to a breaking point.  I found myself, a grown man, crying at my desk asking God for His help with this idol.  I told Him that I can’t do this myself and that if I am going to be successful, I will need Him.  Everything that I’ve tried on my own amounted to failure.  I said a few prayers, and then I went back to my day.  This morning however, I woke up with peace.  I thought about the idea of starting over.  I took my kids to school and came back home thinking about the concept.  I then found myself praying in my living room and listening to some worship songs, and I felt again that peace.  God was very evident.  His peace was very real, and I knew He was telling me that I can do this with Him.  I need to trust and rely on God, and allow Him to be my strength as I start over.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.  Losing weight and dethroning the god of food is going to be a lifetime war, and this is the first battle.  The older I get the harder it is for me.  I don’t want to call myself an old dog, however there are days when I feel that way because of my weight, and these new tricks are tough life lessons.  I know that every day won’t be a success, but I am willing to change, and do the work that is necessary.

God, I pray give me the strength to change and the willingness to listen.  Help me not to give up when I know that is the easy way out.  Amen